Behind many Instagram posts, there’s an Instagram Husband. It’s a phenomenon that has risen with the popularity of the social media app, and targets unassuming males in a relationship. Such a role particularly comes into play on a couples holiday (think of all of those photo ops abroad!)
Feel you too may be an Instagram Husband? Then check out the signs below…
1. You have a second job. One you don’t remember signing up for.
It started out a gradually. A picture here, a quick a snapshot there. Then her number of followers began to rise. That’s when things started to change. She now had a captive audience. As her other half (and in order to remain in her good books) you assumed the position of her photographer without even realising it. Steadily the role transformed from more than just a favour and instead became rather more demanding. The photo shoots became more and more frequent. It became necessary to get the right angles, to know her best side. You helped her with the final edit and became resident filter adviser. Once she had posted the final image, it was imperative you were straight in there, hitting the “Like” button or offering the occasional comment. Fail on any of the above and suffer the consequences. Never has a job that you never actually wanted been so stressful…
2. You’re always hungry.
Travelling the world means you get the opportunity to sample a variety of new and exciting dishes. Unfortunately, such a prospect also makes for a perfect Instagram post. Similarly to posts featuring cats doing comical things like yoga or playing the piano, food posts are the supreme overlords of Instagram and a guaranteed “Like” inducer. As a result, every time you a hit a restaurant you can bet your bottom dollar it will turn into an impromptu photo-shoot before you even have touched a single bite. Cue your hunger levels rising as you watch helplessly as your food goes cold…
The same applies to drinks. You now endure a thirst like no other. You have had to forgo your caffeine addiction since the coffee run has now become a running photographic commentary of the barista’s coffee art skills swirling in your oversized mugs. Now even the mere sound of “Here’s your flat white and soy chai latte” makes your mouth run dry and sends shivers down your spine.
3. You go to lots of places… but don’t actually get very far.
The guidebook said you should check out this incredible mountain. You psych her up for a day’s hiking, to check out the castle, the waterfalls (not to mention the view from the top) all along the way. She seems keen. Alas, once you get there, you never actually make it much further than the car park. Sure, you see the mountain in the distance and she makes sure you take that essential shot of her gazing wistfully upwards at the view. Sadly, advancing with the hike is scuppered when she gets distracted by how cute her feet look in her new hiking boots and so she starts snapping with every step. Before you know it, darkness has fallen and the only memory you have of the day trip a is a shoe shot tagged with the location at the top of her Instagram feed…
4. Your destinations are now dictated by how good they look.
Checking out that war museum may have been at the top of your list to visit on your city break. But she’s found a really cool wall that she’d much rather take pictures beside. She saw it on someone else’s feed and now wants to do her own version. Only better. In fact, scrolling through Instagram posts tagged with your current location has become her favourite guide for holidaying and planning her itinerary for photo taking for the day. While that’s all well and good, trekking across a city merely so she could take a picture of the same cronut she saw on Instagram this morning really does put into perspective how your vacations have changed…
5. You can’t remember the last time you featured fully in an Instagram picture.
Once upon a time, your coupledom on holiday was celebrated in a series of photos of you both, arm-in-arm and beaming at the camera. Yes, those were the days. Those hazy lazy days before the existence of the selfie stick, when your photo album mainly comprised of couples selfies taken by the steadiest outstretched arm. Nowadays, such couples shots are too predictable. Boring even. In order to up those all-important likes, it was vital your other half got artistic. As the purveyor of the account, her overall presence was always going to be key. But with your new role as her main photographer, your presence in pictures has become significantly downsized. Now you feature only as a manly arm reaching for your coffee as she takes a shot from above. Or that pair of shoes you have just purchased has been strategically photographed alongside her heels as a juxtaposition of male and female, illustrating how stylish a couple you are.
6. When on holiday, your hotel becomes a studio.
Before Instagram, you never paid much attention to the white wall in your bedroom or to the brick facade in your garden. Now they have become a staple backdrop in the majority of your lady’s Instagram pics. When you travel, however, your hotel transforms into your new studio space. So, naturally, it is important to find a destination that ticks all the boxes. Such as possessing a room brandishing whimsical wallpaper for her to model her new holiday threads against or an affinity pool for her float in, clutching a mojito. You never imagined your first day at a hotel would also involve an in-depth recce. Now it happens as naturally as checking in. At least when she’s preoccupied on the balcony arranging the shells she collected from the beach, you can sample the delights of the hotel mini bar…
7. The “Your Storage is Almost Full” message pops up constantly on your phone.
It’s the most irritating of all notifications and one that has become a constant presence in your life. Why? Well, since her phone is always full with hundreds of images, she has decided to share the inconvenience and take pictures with your phone instead. She is blasé about the whole thing. That’s what makes you even more annoyed. You have to delete all your apps in order to make more room for her photos. You aren’t allowed to delete any of said photos, and when you ask for her cable to transfer the pictures to her laptop, the cable (or on some occasions, the laptop) has magically disappeared. So the pictures remain. Even when the day does come when you can free up some space on your phone, the “Your Storage is Almost Full” notification continues to pop up as if to silently taunt you, infuriate you and most of all remind you – YOU ARE AN INSTAGRAM HUSBAND.
